The Lizard Game

Apparently I'm now living in the live lizard game zone. Pixie has taken to escaping when my housemate opens the back door. Only instead of going out to play or roll around in the dust on the driveway, she goes from the back door to the front door, because for some reason, lizards congregate on the front porch step. So when I open the front door to let Pixie in, there's usually a lizard right there on the stoop, ready to run into the house as a delivery or for Pixie to grab on her way through the drive-thru as she runs back inside. Now I'm in no way encouraging this, but neither do I have a way to stop it. The little brown lizards (fairly recent immigrants from Cuba) are fast. They dart into the house heedless of my screams and attempts to shut the door to bar their entrance. Please note that I am not afraid of lizards. My screams are simply intended to keep other katz from escaping as well as discouraging the lizard from entering the house. It is a frantically jumbled message at a high decibel and too rapid cadence. I have to assume this is why my screams go unheeded and/or misunderstood. They are tricky little buggers too. While they seem harmless enough, they overran the chameleon population that used to be here when I was growing up, but I digress.

Fast forward to the twenty-first century, and you find Florida well stocked with brown Cuban lizards and cats love them apparently. I'm not sure about the eating, but they make great gifts for their humans, or so our feline population thinks if the carcass-strewn carport is any indication. So once again this morning, Pixie got out and managed to procure a fresh lizard to set loose in the house. Presently Chi, one of the seven-month old kittens, is running through the house, "meeping," with a dead or semi-dead lizard in her mouth. Apparently they were playing a game of keep away and once Pixie lost it, Chi found it. I'm not sure when possession changed, but I'm pretty sure I know where it must have happened. If I were playing the Clue game, I'd have to conclude that Chi did it in the living room with kitten teeth and paws. Anyone else care to try your hand at deduction? In the meantime, kitties are still wandering around the house looking for the lizard, so I'm not positive it didn't escape. Go, lizard, go! Of course, even if it did get away, it stands little chance of ever getting out alive again. In that way, this place resembles the "Hotel California" of Eagles fame. "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

The game is officially over when I find the carcass somewhere in the house and dispose of it. I'd be happy to help it escape, but they are not fond of being caught, as I mentioned, which means that I have never caught one yet. The most I've gotten is a tail, which they detach the instant you grab it. I'm merely the lizard body disposal department with no authorization whatsoever to bar entrance or assist in deportation of live lizards. It's good to know your lot in life and that is part of my job description in this house with this herd of katz.

Do not be deceived by Pixie's relaxed demeanor. She is the worlds' fastest lizard hunter.